things have changed. you must have noticed it too.
i want to go for national service as soon as possible...wish it's now.. it's going to be tough, maybe a torture to me. however i feel it can build me into a stronger person, involuntarily..i want to grow.. i want to work part time too. school life alone is too boring for me. and i am desperate for money. i want to be more independent on my own. i want to work 12 hours everyday. i want to be a bad wrong..seriously bad one, but not ah beng.. i want to feel how it's like to be bad guy..
i am just deceiving myself and others...
reasons for keeping myself busy is to...
wish somebody can tell me what to do..nothing i do seems to be correct. i don't know how to differentiate between right and wrong. why am i doing all these? just to make you happy? seeing you smile melts my heart? i feel so stupid. am i still holding the glimpse of hope that is fading each day?
and i really miss you..especially during the carnival..seeing so many friends. i wish you were there to see me smile too. ahh fat hope! i dare not emo in front of friends. i was really glad and excited to see everyone. whether people i am close to or not. i just miss them. secondary school day wasn't that fun though..but still there are memories, lots of them..kind of sadded i didn't interact much with others lah..class gathering eventually turned into class meeting. we took photos outside foodcourt in ang mo kio hub..super paiseh. but i don't really care =p we couldn't find a place to seat 20+ people and were broken into groups. we need a chalet!
so what did i do the whole day of yesterday? i skip a lecture. oops. went to sing with weiming..went to phs carnival to see old 4e peeps..played some games..omg..i like the war game..it was sooo fun...real experience of counter-strike. nice teamwork guys.. wahahahas... wanted rush hour 3..chilled with my old gang...emoed.
and i have a test later..wish me luck
and i am going to see you. *headache*
and i know myself
