exams are finally over. but i am not happy at all.

Monday's ms paper was a killer. i got about 35marks deducted already. but hopefully i will at least get some method marks from the questions. at least i didn't leave it blank thats for sure. kind of disappointed with myself despite of the high expectations and practices i went through, it's still not sufficient enough for me to secure a A for this subject. i would be glad if i get a B for this subject. i know no matter how good coursework grade is, the main examination will always pawn me.

Tuesday's logistic and supply chain management wasn't getting any better. i got no confidence in my answers and eventually i left before the last 10 minutes. i should be praying whether i can secure my B+ coursework grade for this. eventually i left school alone, went back to the 'familiar' place in my mind, standing at the bus stop alone this time round eating waffles. i felt lonely. my mind didn't tele with my actions. yes kou shi xin fei. the more afraid i am, the more i avoid. and this had definitely strained the friendship. i tend to spoil everything that is good. why? i was wondering if i may meet you there.

Just when i thought puchasing paper was much better, i saw once again you and him together. it wasn't surprising. just the sight just hurts me though abit lesser compared to the past. i dare not even approach you and rather choose to take an alternative route. i know you didn't want to see me neither. so i might as well move away automatically. i refuse to think, refuse to see, refuse to accept the truth. eventually i crawled back to the opposite after ensuring you left..what a pity..

and for today the last paper. i didn't sleep the whole night. napped for less than 2 hours after a quick dinner and only started at around 9. gosh..the whole long silent night. it was a good time to study for me definitely. i manage to study and absored quite abit with little/some distractions only. and before i noticed it was already 5/6 am. managed to try my best on this paper. thinking hard trying to recap what i drilled in the last night. i was feeling so shagged and stressed in the bus journey..and the 2 women behind me kept talking food. i felt totally disgusted. i wouldn't concentrate to study the bit of operations management.

i already rushed and made my way to the bus stop with jian ming after the exam. i knew you and him had eye contact with each other. bus 8 failed to come after so damn long and had only after you and him were here. you may have spotted me. beacuse i hope you did so you won't come and let me see you. or may be you spotted me boarding the bus and decided to walk with him. i could only watch as the bus drove past such a loving couple, walking together. how depressing..

you may have thought you have think out many possiblities out there. but there's always something unexpected happening. simply beacuse you are not god.

so how am i going to survive again?

feeling better these days. but i am not studying. things don't get into my brain. a sigh..words of the medium saying i got to work other hit me. am i studying hard now?

even though i survive today, will i be able to make it the next time?

for the past 3 days, i was working for the valentino private sales. i was much of a 'happier' person. at least in front of people i am not so familiar. it was a great experience of sales. i have managed to know more great people. here i have to say wei ming does have lots of great friends so be glad wei ming! i am just jealous yea right.

watched abit con-air just now..it was such a touching scene that i teared. hais..getting real emotion these days. good or bad thing? and i thought i am already dead? start of study week, how am i going to plan it properly? i am definitely not in the mood to study for anything..

i wish i can update more details..but unfortunately.

he saw her and her friend at the overhead bridge today. there was a guy with them. the moment he saw the guy, he dare not walk down the stairs to say a hi to them. he waited till the 3 of them board the bus happily, then he dragged himself down the stairs. he was totally a walking dead. his heart cried..he knew he had entered the depression period..you must be thinking how can be jumped to conclusion to everything. but to him it doesn't matter..he likes to think this way. he had just seen something which he don't want to see. he thought he can wish her all the best in everything she does. it's not so easy when you have fell in love with a person. he have been trying hard not to think. he tried to do his homework and sleep. but none of these could help him, not even a bit. he said he will go..he lied. a fucking bastard. you are not a gentleman at all.

on the way home, he can't wait to go home and cut himself. cut till he dies. he don't want to hold up anymore. because the urge to cut himself have been disturbing him for the past few days. he loves the pain when he's been cut. every deep scar has it's own story. and he thought of making new ones, new stories. you can say that he had hook up with a real bad habit. he just want to feel pain..pain that can numb his sorrow and make him not think of the problems. even if it's only a few seconds of effect. he don't mind. because he have been struggling for so long. he couldn't even breathe. he thought he can shake this habit after secondary school..nope..it's because he haven't receive any trauma..this habit has never leave him.

now no one can stop him from doing anything he wants, not even himself. the only concern that is holding him back is his friends and family...

at least he feels better after blogging...
he feels lucky he still has a blog to write all his feelings
that hold him back from doing silly things..

tell me,

it is coincidence or is it me being a paranoid?
i just want to be happy ):

无奈 的 日子 到底 何时 结束??

i rather not know certain things. it just does nothing else but making me go berserk. it hurts to know some stuffs. i can't stop thinking about what happened. damn. shouldn't i just be happy for you if it's so? i know i am definitely not fine nowadays...i got so many questions which i want to ask you. the time when we are alone are so short nowadays..you seems to be rushing for something..

i need motivation..MOTIVATION
i am not going to make it through..it's so hard to stand up again...

things have changed. you must have noticed it too.

i want to go for national service as soon as possible...wish it's now.. it's going to be tough, maybe a torture to me. however i feel it can build me into a stronger person, involuntarily..i want to grow.. i want to work part time too. school life alone is too boring for me. and i am desperate for money. i want to be more independent on my own. i want to work 12 hours everyday. i want to be a bad wrong..seriously bad one, but not ah beng.. i want to feel how it's like to be bad guy..

i am just deceiving myself and others...
reasons for keeping myself busy is to...
wish somebody can tell me what to do..nothing i do seems to be correct. i don't know how to differentiate between right and wrong. why am i doing all these? just to make you happy? seeing you smile melts my heart? i feel so stupid. am i still holding the glimpse of hope that is fading each day?

and i really miss you..especially during the carnival..seeing so many friends. i wish you were there to see me smile too. ahh fat hope! i dare not emo in front of friends. i was really glad and excited to see everyone. whether people i am close to or not. i just miss them. secondary school day wasn't that fun though..but still there are memories, lots of them..kind of sadded i didn't interact much with others lah..class gathering eventually turned into class meeting. we took photos outside foodcourt in ang mo kio hub..super paiseh. but i don't really care =p we couldn't find a place to seat 20+ people and were broken into groups. we need a chalet!

so what did i do the whole day of yesterday? i skip a lecture. oops. went to sing with weiming..went to phs carnival to see old 4e peeps..played some games..omg..i like the war game..it was sooo fun...real experience of counter-strike. nice teamwork guys.. wahahahas... wanted rush hour 3..chilled with my old gang...emoed.

and i have a test later..wish me luck
and i am going to see you. *headache*
and i know myself

reasons for me to be single still
i am too skinny (people call me pocky chocolate)
i am not man enough (you disgusting sissy)
i tend to act cute (do this just to make you happy and see you smile)
i do not have the look (thats too bad)
i am not your cup of tea (may i know what suits you? coffee??)
i am a paranoid (a characteristic that girls tend to have)
i have mental problems (seriously)
i bottle things up (not in my blog)
i am such a boring guy to be with (yes boring)
i have sweaty palms (gosh i hate this most)

what should i do these days?
take things slowly...appreciate other things in life.
smile more often
think of nonsense lesser
day dream lesser
concentrate more on study


i know i still take your every word every seriously..
and the less emo days continue...

week was brightened up by a lost primary friend. by coincidence i met her while on the way to sociology lecture. chatted with her about the primary 2 and 3 days. yes she left at primary 3. didn't expect to see a primary school mate..well it was really happy to hear the happy moments i spent in primary school. refresh on some moments which i had lost. makes me appreciate life even better. i suddenly miss my primary 3 form teacher...a teacher that brightened my primary school days. wonder how's her now..hmm..

those were the days.....

heard the death of a secondary friend's uncle..went to pay him a visit. first time attending a funeral and it's a christian one ..hearing people cry on the lost of their love one. on the way i looked at my ez-link card. i looked at the picture of myself. i looked at my own name 'Lo Chun Yip'. i questioned myself about my own existence. why am i in this world for? the purpose of life, what is it?

so lost in the world..
i continue to emo........
questioning myself........

exams are finally over. but i am not happy at all.

Monday's ms paper was a killer. i got about 35marks deducted already. but hopefully i will at least get some method marks from the questions. at least i didn't leave it blank thats for sure. kind of disappointed with myself despite of the high expectations and practices i went through, it's still not sufficient enough for me to secure a A for this subject. i would be glad if i get a B for this subject. i know no matter how good coursework grade is, the main examination will always pawn me.

Tuesday's logistic and supply chain management wasn't getting any better. i got no confidence in my answers and eventually i left before the last 10 minutes. i should be praying whether i can secure my B+ coursework grade for this. eventually i left school alone, went back to the 'familiar' place in my mind, standing at the bus stop alone this time round eating waffles. i felt lonely. my mind didn't tele with my actions. yes kou shi xin fei. the more afraid i am, the more i avoid. and this had definitely strained the friendship. i tend to spoil everything that is good. why? i was wondering if i may meet you there.

Just when i thought puchasing paper was much better, i saw once again you and him together. it wasn't surprising. just the sight just hurts me though abit lesser compared to the past. i dare not even approach you and rather choose to take an alternative route. i know you didn't want to see me neither. so i might as well move away automatically. i refuse to think, refuse to see, refuse to accept the truth. eventually i crawled back to the opposite after ensuring you left..what a pity..

and for today the last paper. i didn't sleep the whole night. napped for less than 2 hours after a quick dinner and only started at around 9. gosh..the whole long silent night. it was a good time to study for me definitely. i manage to study and absored quite abit with little/some distractions only. and before i noticed it was already 5/6 am. managed to try my best on this paper. thinking hard trying to recap what i drilled in the last night. i was feeling so shagged and stressed in the bus journey..and the 2 women behind me kept talking food. i felt totally disgusted. i wouldn't concentrate to study the bit of operations management.

i already rushed and made my way to the bus stop with jian ming after the exam. i knew you and him had eye contact with each other. bus 8 failed to come after so damn long and had only after you and him were here. you may have spotted me. beacuse i hope you did so you won't come and let me see you. or may be you spotted me boarding the bus and decided to walk with him. i could only watch as the bus drove past such a loving couple, walking together. how depressing..

you may have thought you have think out many possiblities out there. but there's always something unexpected happening. simply beacuse you are not god.

so how am i going to survive again?

feeling better these days. but i am not studying. things don't get into my brain. a sigh..words of the medium saying i got to work other hit me. am i studying hard now?

even though i survive today, will i be able to make it the next time?

for the past 3 days, i was working for the valentino private sales. i was much of a 'happier' person. at least in front of people i am not so familiar. it was a great experience of sales. i have managed to know more great people. here i have to say wei ming does have lots of great friends so be glad wei ming! i am just jealous yea right.

watched abit con-air just now..it was such a touching scene that i teared. hais..getting real emotion these days. good or bad thing? and i thought i am already dead? start of study week, how am i going to plan it properly? i am definitely not in the mood to study for anything..

i wish i can update more details..but unfortunately.

he saw her and her friend at the overhead bridge today. there was a guy with them. the moment he saw the guy, he dare not walk down the stairs to say a hi to them. he waited till the 3 of them board the bus happily, then he dragged himself down the stairs. he was totally a walking dead. his heart cried..he knew he had entered the depression period..you must be thinking how can be jumped to conclusion to everything. but to him it doesn't matter..he likes to think this way. he had just seen something which he don't want to see. he thought he can wish her all the best in everything she does. it's not so easy when you have fell in love with a person. he have been trying hard not to think. he tried to do his homework and sleep. but none of these could help him, not even a bit. he said he will go..he lied. a fucking bastard. you are not a gentleman at all.

on the way home, he can't wait to go home and cut himself. cut till he dies. he don't want to hold up anymore. because the urge to cut himself have been disturbing him for the past few days. he loves the pain when he's been cut. every deep scar has it's own story. and he thought of making new ones, new stories. you can say that he had hook up with a real bad habit. he just want to feel pain..pain that can numb his sorrow and make him not think of the problems. even if it's only a few seconds of effect. he don't mind. because he have been struggling for so long. he couldn't even breathe. he thought he can shake this habit after secondary school..nope..it's because he haven't receive any trauma..this habit has never leave him.

now no one can stop him from doing anything he wants, not even himself. the only concern that is holding him back is his friends and family...

at least he feels better after blogging...
he feels lucky he still has a blog to write all his feelings
that hold him back from doing silly things..

tell me,

it is coincidence or is it me being a paranoid?
i just want to be happy ):

无奈 的 日子 到底 何时 结束??

i rather not know certain things. it just does nothing else but making me go berserk. it hurts to know some stuffs. i can't stop thinking about what happened. damn. shouldn't i just be happy for you if it's so? i know i am definitely not fine nowadays...i got so many questions which i want to ask you. the time when we are alone are so short nowadays..you seems to be rushing for something..

i need motivation..MOTIVATION
i am not going to make it through..it's so hard to stand up again...

things have changed. you must have noticed it too.

i want to go for national service as soon as possible...wish it's now.. it's going to be tough, maybe a torture to me. however i feel it can build me into a stronger person, involuntarily..i want to grow.. i want to work part time too. school life alone is too boring for me. and i am desperate for money. i want to be more independent on my own. i want to work 12 hours everyday. i want to be a bad wrong..seriously bad one, but not ah beng.. i want to feel how it's like to be bad guy..

i am just deceiving myself and others...
reasons for keeping myself busy is to...
wish somebody can tell me what to do..nothing i do seems to be correct. i don't know how to differentiate between right and wrong. why am i doing all these? just to make you happy? seeing you smile melts my heart? i feel so stupid. am i still holding the glimpse of hope that is fading each day?

and i really miss you..especially during the carnival..seeing so many friends. i wish you were there to see me smile too. ahh fat hope! i dare not emo in front of friends. i was really glad and excited to see everyone. whether people i am close to or not. i just miss them. secondary school day wasn't that fun though..but still there are memories, lots of them..kind of sadded i didn't interact much with others lah..class gathering eventually turned into class meeting. we took photos outside foodcourt in ang mo kio hub..super paiseh. but i don't really care =p we couldn't find a place to seat 20+ people and were broken into groups. we need a chalet!

so what did i do the whole day of yesterday? i skip a lecture. oops. went to sing with weiming..went to phs carnival to see old 4e peeps..played some games..omg..i like the war game..it was sooo fun...real experience of counter-strike. nice teamwork guys.. wahahahas... wanted rush hour 3..chilled with my old gang...emoed.

and i have a test later..wish me luck
and i am going to see you. *headache*
and i know myself

reasons for me to be single still
i am too skinny (people call me pocky chocolate)
i am not man enough (you disgusting sissy)
i tend to act cute (do this just to make you happy and see you smile)
i do not have the look (thats too bad)
i am not your cup of tea (may i know what suits you? coffee??)
i am a paranoid (a characteristic that girls tend to have)
i have mental problems (seriously)
i bottle things up (not in my blog)
i am such a boring guy to be with (yes boring)
i have sweaty palms (gosh i hate this most)

what should i do these days?
take things slowly...appreciate other things in life.
smile more often
think of nonsense lesser
day dream lesser
concentrate more on study


i know i still take your every word every seriously..
and the less emo days continue...

week was brightened up by a lost primary friend. by coincidence i met her while on the way to sociology lecture. chatted with her about the primary 2 and 3 days. yes she left at primary 3. didn't expect to see a primary school mate..well it was really happy to hear the happy moments i spent in primary school. refresh on some moments which i had lost. makes me appreciate life even better. i suddenly miss my primary 3 form teacher...a teacher that brightened my primary school days. wonder how's her now..hmm..

those were the days.....

heard the death of a secondary friend's uncle..went to pay him a visit. first time attending a funeral and it's a christian one ..hearing people cry on the lost of their love one. on the way i looked at my ez-link card. i looked at the picture of myself. i looked at my own name 'Lo Chun Yip'. i questioned myself about my own existence. why am i in this world for? the purpose of life, what is it?

so lost in the world..
i continue to emo........
questioning myself........