he saw her and her friend at the overhead bridge today. there was a guy with them. the moment he saw the guy, he dare not walk down the stairs to say a hi to them. he waited till the 3 of them board the bus happily, then he dragged himself down the stairs. he was totally a walking dead. his heart cried..he knew he had entered the depression period..you must be thinking how can be jumped to conclusion to everything. but to him it doesn't matter..he likes to think this way. he had just seen something which he don't want to see. he thought he can wish her all the best in everything she does. it's not so easy when you have fell in love with a person. he have been trying hard not to think. he tried to do his homework and sleep. but none of these could help him, not even a bit. he said he will go..he lied. a fucking bastard. you are not a gentleman at all.
on the way home, he can't wait to go home and cut himself. cut till he dies. he don't want to hold up anymore. because the urge to cut himself have been disturbing him for the past few days. he loves the pain when he's been cut. every deep scar has it's own story. and he thought of making new ones, new stories. you can say that he had hook up with a real bad habit. he just want to feel pain..pain that can numb his sorrow and make him not think of the problems. even if it's only a few seconds of effect. he don't mind. because he have been struggling for so long. he couldn't even breathe. he thought he can shake this habit after secondary school..nope..it's because he haven't receive any trauma..this habit has never leave him.
now no one can stop him from doing anything he wants, not even himself. the only concern that is holding him back is his friends and family...
at least he feels better after blogging...
he feels lucky he still has a blog to write all his feelings
that hold him back from doing silly things..
